The Four Tendencies

“It’s been freeing to focus on what works for me rather than what’s wrong with me.”

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In May I wrote a blog post about Better Than Before, Gretchen Rubin’s very practical guide to habit change. That book overflows with helpful ideas, and one of them is recognizing our natural response to expectations. According to her extensive research, people naturally tend to find they are one of the following:

*Upholder (readily meets both inner and outer expectations)

*Obliger (readily meets outer expectations, struggles to meet inner expectations)

*Questioner (readily meets inner expectations, challenges outer expectations)

*Rebel (resists all expectations, both inner and outer)

I am convinced that this woman is a genius. She says,

“The happiest, healthiest, most productive people aren’t those from a particular Tendency, but rather they’re the people who have figured out how to harness the strengths of their Tendency, counteract the weaknesses, and build the lives that work for them.”

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As I mentioned in my previous post on her habits book,  I really enjoy listening to Happier, the podcast this cutting-edge author hosts with her sister. I’ve heard tons of discussion around this simple framework, and lots of listeners’ questions answered on the subject.

So much so that now I feel like a pseudo-expert, myself.  😉

It is interesting, though, to figure out with my family members how we each feel about the expectations that are all around and within us every day.

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As with all such frameworks, the diagnosis is only relevant as it leads to a cure.

So the idea with the Four Tendencies is that once we understand our innate response to inner and outer expectations, we can use that self-awareness to set things up for success. It’s actually pretty inspiring to hear people’s experiences with making changes in their lives once they put this knowledge to use.

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A lot of teachers, doctors, personal trainers, coaches, etc also find this perspective really useful in their work with motivating other people to do their homework, take their medicine, do their workouts, and so on.

I can easily believe this, as looking at old issues through this lens has been fascinating to me and my husband! We laugh together about the foibles we now recognize as parts of our -very different- tendencies, and practice talking to each other in terms of how we each instinctively feel about meeting- or avoiding- expectations.

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Incidentally, my husband (of 23 years) is a Rebel. When I read about this Tendency, it was like someone just explained him to me. Aha. And I think he felt the same way; like someone had just explained him to himself.

He had me pinned as an Upholder, but I am actually an Obliger (with Upholder leanings)… I feel very strongly about the reality of God, and my relationship with Him motivates me to try to be and do my best. So lots of things that I seem to be doing out of a sense of accountability to myself (as an Upholder would), I am, in actual fact, doing out of a deep and abiding sense of accountability to Him.

This book is clever and very useful if you are a person, (or deal with anyone else who is one… 😉

Have you read this book?

Do you listen to the Happier podcast?

What Tendency do you see in yourself, and what does this tell you about what makes you tick?

Thank you for reading with me,

Leah 😉

The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency

“It is sometimes easier to be happy if you don’t know everything.”

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Reading this book changed me, and changed my life forever.

It’s become a favourite in a way not many other books could; I love the main character, Precious Ramotswe. She seems so real to me that I’d have to remind myself (were I so inclined, which I’m generally not) that she is a fictional character. I love spending time with her, and sometimes I actually miss her like an old friend.

Alexander McCall Smith, the author of this hugely popular book and its follow-on series, is a genius. I have more respect for him than for almost any other living writer.

Being the first novel in a series (which I hope will never end in my lifetime), we are given a pleasantly meandering introductory tour of Precious’ life leading up to her starting her business. It hasn’t been an easy life, but what makes it beautiful and sweet is her, and her heart, and her perspective. And the author’s sense of humour!

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Cattle are the traditional source of prosperity in her beloved country, Botswana. And it is just this inheritance from her honoured and much-missed Daddy that allows Precious to establish herself as a business woman. That, and her ethics. She cares about people.

“There was so much suffering in Africa that it was tempting just to shrug your shoulders and walk away. But you can’t do that, she thought. You just can’t.”

She sees things in a way that is so clear to her, and makes so much sense, that to “help people with the problems of their lives” is a perfect career for this “traditionally built woman.” I couldn’t count the number of times I’ve laughed while reading about her and her many and varied exploits.

“The problem, of course, was that people did not seem to understand the difference between right and wrong. They needed to be reminded about this, because if you left it to them to work out for themselves, they would never bother. They would just find out what was best for them, and then they would call that the right thing. That’s how most people thought.”

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Gabarone, Botswana’s capital city

When the lawyer who was administering her late Daddy’s estate came to speak with her about her inheritance, she stated her intention to buy both a house and a business. He was less than enthusiastic when she announced her plan to “start from scratch” with a detective agency. He made the mistake of asking- out loud- could women even do that?

“Women are the ones who knows what’s going on,’ she said quietly . ‘They are the ones with eyes. Have you not heard of Agatha Christie?”

Our large-and-in-charge leading lady doesn’t wait for grass to grow under her feet. She gets right on with it and is soon open for business. And sure enough, clients come walking through her door with mysteries to solve.

Some are intriguing in terms of human interest (like the case of the teenage girl with a suspected, but unapproved boyfriend, and the philandering husband who she outsmarts at the Go-Go Handsome Man’s Bar…)

Others are a little more complex (think: stolen car, and con man.) One is truly terrifying; a young boy has gone missing, and a witch doctor is the prime suspect. Mma. Ramotswe (Precious) has the courage, instinct, and wits to handle them all.

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She’s clever, and somehow her reflections on life are always refreshing even though they seem so sensible and true that they should be obvious. In spite of her important and challenging work, Precious never lets her work stresses ruin her healthy appetite.

Oh, no. She loves to eat beef, and cake, and pumpkin.

“It was time to take the pumpkin out of the pot and eat it. In the final analysis, that was what solved these big problems of life. You could think and think and get nowhere, but you still had to eat your pumpkin. That brought you down to earth. That gave you a reason for going on. Pumpkin.”

Haha! I wonder how she cooks her pumpkin to make it so appetizing…? She never mentions pumpkin pie, but seems to enjoy it as a savoury vegetable, which is a bit of a mystery to me… anybody else like to eat pumpkin this way? I’d love to see a good recipe…!

Have you read any of Alexander McCall Smith’s delightful novels? 

Do you, too, know and love Precious Ramotswe?

What’s your favourite story from the books about her?

Thank you for reading with me!

Leah 🙂

p.s. I hope you enjoy this post; if you like it, please feel free to subscribe to my book blog!

 

 

The Zookeeper’s Wife

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“I don’t understand all the fuss. If any creature is in danger, you save it, human or animal.” 

This is the only book of Diane Ackerman’s that I’ve ever read, and I’ll readily admit I only even heard of it because of the movie of the same title. I’m so glad she wrote this, so we can all be amazed and inspired by how these heroes cleverly outsmart and bravely overcome a powerful evil, saving hundreds of innocents from its madness.

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Diane Ackerman

It’s the true story of Antonina and her husband Jan Zabinski, who kept a zoo in Warsaw, Poland… They were real, and so- imperfect people who knew how to be bigger than their flaws. This allowed them to see beyond their own troubles and take giant steps over their fears in order to rescue others in far worse danger. I love it.

Antonina was the kind of animal lover who brought up ‘wild’ animals alongside her child in their home, including lynx, badger, and even hyena pups. She cared for them tenderly and took their ways and needs in stride in an incredible way and to an incredible degree.

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Antonina

“Why was it, she asked herself, that ‘animals can sometimes subdue their predatory ways in only a few months, while humans, despite centuries of refinement, can quickly grow more savage than any beast.”

Early in World War 2, when the Germans bombed Warsaw, many of the zoo’s animals and enclosures were destroyed. But the Nazis’ insane obsession with a master race extended beyond humans, and the Warsaw zoo had some valuable animals in its captive breeding program, which the Nazis prized enough to try and exploit as a resource.

In the most horrible irony, while they were capturing millions of Jewish (and other marginalized) people and sending them in cattle cars to concentration camps where they were treated as sub-humans, the Nazis were going to great lengths to recreate strong, ancient, ‘pure’ animal races.

Jan and Antonina decided to take friends into their home to provide them with a safe hiding place. But that wasn’t enough.

“Suffering took hold of me like a magic spell abolishing all differences between friends and strangers.”

Eventually, they were secretly bringing hundreds of Jewish people from the ghetto into their zoo and hiding them in empty animal cages.

The Zabinskis empathy and humanity in a time and place overshadowed by inhumanity and cruelty makes for a terrible contrast, highlighting their heroism.

“We feel what we see, we experience others as self.”

The research that led to the writing of this book is astounding, and the story that unfolds from the pages of history is breathtaking.

It throws down the gauntlet; how many of us are willing to endure even a small inconvenience to stand up for someone who’s being made to suffer for their ethnicity or their religion?

Have you read this book?

What other stories of heroism do you love? 

I’m sure I’ll be writing about other ones as time goes by…

Thank you for reading with me,

Leah 🙂

ps: I hope you’ll leave me a comment, follow, and share my blog! 

 

 

The Summer Before The War

“War does have a way of interfering with one’s most closely held desires.”

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This yummy novel is part love story, part ode to the English summer of 1914, and partly a gentle feminist manifesto.

Beatrice Nash is a very clever, well read, highly educated woman; more so than is deemed quite proper, really. She’s coming into the little East Sussex town of Rye as a newly appointed Latin teacher, and several of the traditional people there find her a bit shocking. She would become a writer if she could, but has to earn her living, and is frankly fortunate that her own education allows her to do so by using her brain.

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Alas, she is also quite lovely to look at. Still recovering herself after the death of her old father, Beatrice is ready for a fresh start. Thanks to Agatha Kent (an old family connection who is also a well-established matron in Rye society) she has secured this new job. Agatha is a strong proponent of women’s rights and education for all children, including those labelled ‘gypsies’. She’s a super-likeable character, and if I were in the novel, I’d want to spend time with her in the hopes that she’d ‘rub off’ on me!

As so often happens, life has more in store for Beatrice than she had in mind for herself. Though she’s not looking for love, Agatha’s sensitive nephew Hugh Grange (a medical student on his summer break) finds his aunt’s bright and lovely young protege irresistible. Their friendship is growing to mean more to both of them by the end of that fateful summer than either of them expected it to…

“But if all else fails, I can always write her a sonnet.” “A sonnet?” said Hugh. “No woman can resist having her name rhymed with a flower in iambic pentameter,” said Daniel.”

Beatrice had found Hugh’s cousin Daniel pretty charming, but there was no future for the two of them as Daniel is homosexual. As are a pair of young local women Beatrice gets to know. Of course this is all kept quiet, as society was unforgiving toward such individuals….

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….And toward unmarried women who were no longer virgins. This is appallingly evident in the awful case of Celeste, the daughter of an old Belgian professor. They are taken in as refugees by England, as were countless other Belgians early in World War 1. (Naturally, they were a more palatable family to bring into one’s home than many others, who were made far less welcome due to their ‘peasant’ status.)

But poor Celeste is pregnant with the child of the German soldier who had raped her, and incredibly, she’s treated as ‘damaged goods’ by narrow-minded residents of Rye. It’s a relief to me to see how Beatrice Nash is able to make a difference at a time of terrible upheaval and long-overdue change!

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It’s a little tricky to know what to make of the local ‘man of letters’, Mr Tillingham. He seems like a nicely intellectual, slightly eccentric old character; but there’s something about him that feels like sand in my teeth.

Daniel is killed in the fighting, and their poor young Romany student returns home with P.T.S.D. Helen Simonson doesn’t spare her readers a view of the reality of war, which of course contrasts sickeningly with the insanely feverish, flag-waving excitement that drew so many off to battle. Beatrice and Hugh find in each other the love they so deserve after he returns from serving as an army doctor. It doesn’t feel especially romantic, but more like a piece of comfort. They and their lives, like those of millions of others, are forever changed by the war.

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This novel makes the same statement as did Testament of Youth. Violence and death is a senseless waste of life. I wrote a blog post about this intense autobiographical book shortly after I read it. Here’s a link to that: Vera Brittain.

It also reminds me of a more recent post, in which I blogged about another historical novel from the same period and not far away; Jacqueline Winspear’s  The Care and Management of Lies…

Which literary character do you wish you could actually get  inside the world of a novel and hang out with?

If you enjoyed reading this, I hope you’ll follow my blog and pass it on to someone else who might like it, too!

Thank you for reading with me,

Leah 🙂

 

Better Than Before

“Habits are the invisible architecture of daily life.”

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I first stumbled onto Gretchen Rubin’s work several years ago when I happened upon a copy of her hugely popular The Happiness Project.

Since then, I’ve become an avid listener of Happier, the helpful and funny podcast she co-hosts with her sister.

And I just keep reading her books. She is startlingly clever, and devotes a great deal of her abundant energy to researching happiness, habits, and human nature; and thankfully, much more of that energy to sharing what she learns with the rest of us!

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So basically, if you’re human, and want to choose your habits rather than letting them choose your life for you, this book is for you. I really enjoyed learning about what makes us tick, and how to tap into that awareness in order to struggle less and succeed more .

“How do we change? –by using habits…. If we change our habits, we change our life.”

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Self-Knowledge

As knowledge is power, the first part of the book helps us learn see ourselves through the lens of our instinctive response to expectations (both inner and outer)…

  1. Upholders respond readily to both inner and outer expectations.
  2. Questioners question all expectations, and respond only to those they can internally justify.
  3. Obligers respond readily to outer expectations while struggling to meet their own inner expectations! (me)
  4. Rebels resist all expectations, both their own, and those of others.

p.s. In case this fascinates you as it does me, there is whole other book about these four tendencies. (The Four Tendencies)

From there, we proceed to a series of thought-provoking questions to help us further understand our individual natures… (the ‘Distinctions’)

Am I…

  1. a lark or an owl?
  2. a marathoner, a sprinter, or a procrastinator?
  3. an underbuyer or an overbuyer?
  4. a simplicity lover or an abundance lover?
  5. a finisher or an opener?
  6. a familiarity lover or a novelty lover?
  7. promotion-focused or prevention-focused?
  8. and, do I like to take small steps or big steps?

The answers I came up with reveal facets of my personality I wasn’t even aware existed. ‘Things I never knew I never knew.”

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And then, the main course!

The author (I am convinced she is actually a genius. Maybe if I write in to her blog and ask, she will tell me her I.Q. score…?) has identified:

Strategies for habit change!

Here they are:

  1. Monitoring
  2. Foundation
  3. Scheduling
  4. Accountability
  5. First Steps
  6. Clean Slate
  7. Lightning Bolt
  8. Abstaining
  9. Convenience
  10. Inconvenience
  11. Safeguards
  12. Loophole-Spotting
  13. Distraction
  14. Reward
  15. Treats
  16. Pairing
  17. Clarity
  18. Identity
  19. Other People

(She often refers to the 21 strategies of habit change, but I have presented the first two- Tendencies & Distinctions- separately above under the Self-Knowledge heading.)

What I really appreciate about this book (apart from its user-friendly presentation of research that matters) is the individualized approach. Once I figured out my own answers to the questions at the top (which was fun to do) I could recognize which strategies would work best with my personality.

The idea is to reduce friction!

And it works. I sleep more now!

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Why make things harder than they have to be?

What habits have you successfully changed, and how?

Thank you for reading with me,

Leah 🙂

The Department Of Sensitive Crimes

“Sometimes we stumble over the truth. We think we find it, but it finds us.”

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Have you heard of ‘Scandi-noir“? (a.k.a. “Nordic-noir”)

I had, but only vaguely. In case you’re as innocent of this relatively new, darkly disturbing crime fiction as I was until recently, it’s meant to be a bit of a cultural expose uncovering creepy elements of society purportedly lurking beneath the calm surface of life in northern European countries.

You may recall a recent post I wrote about  Lagom (the Swedish concept of balance and harmony)… Well, in the words of Alan Bradley, here’s what we’re now encountering:

“With astounding heart and mind, Alexander McCall Smith launches a bold and original new series. With The Department of Sensitive Crimes, he invents a new and compassionate genre: Scandi Blanc…”

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Photo by John Flygare on Unsplash

Ulf Varg is a detective who lives and works in Malmo, Sweden. From an inconspicuous office, he leads a small team in solving crimes which are beyond the scope (or beneath the notice) of the regular police force, while stoically enduring the occasional joke about his names, which both translate as ‘wolf.’

In classic Alexander McCall Smith style, we are invited into the personal as well as the professional life of our protagonist…

We learn the sad history of his failed marriage and meet his therapist; “Dr. Svensson had once counselled him to think of the things you’re doing rather than the things you did. It was useful advice- he knew that- even if the therapist liked to claim he was not dispensing advice, but helping him to work out what was the best thing to do. That was the trouble with Dr. Svensson, thought Ulf: he often denied that he was there- an odd thing to do, especially when you charged so much for being present.”

We also get to know Ulf’s deaf labradoodle (Martin) and Mrs. Hogfors, the retired neighbour who cares for him while while Ulf’s at work… “Martin loved Mrs. Hogfors, and she adored him in return, allowing him to sleep on her sofa, feeding him a constant diet of fattening treats, and refusing to countenance any talk of faults on his part.”

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Photo by Sander Weeteling on Unsplash

Ulf’s co-workers are endearingly human and amusingly Swedish. But don’t expect to find nothing more than a lot of crime detection and platonic social interactions. Ulf is in love, and it’s heart-rending to delve a bit into the two sides of that ill-fated relationship…

I highly recommend this mentally and emotionally provocative novel to anyone who enjoys life. It’s not heavy, but with the light touch he’s famous for, this brilliant author hits another home run.

Have you read other books/ series by Alexander McCall Smith?

What do you think of this new series?

Thank you for reading with me!

Leah  🙂

 

 

 

 

Becoming Mrs. Lewis

 

“What on earth would become of me if I should ever grow brave?”

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What a heartbreakingly beautiful true story.

I was vaguely aware that C.S.Lewis had been married late in life to an American woman in ill health. That was about all I remembered from the film, Shadowlands. Then I happened upon this book in a library e-reader app last week, and could hardly put it down until I came to the inevitable end.

From the first page, it compels.

Who knew that the woman who would one day become Mrs. Lewis started out as a highly intelligent, atheist Jewish child in New York City?

That she lived and wrote as a communist, and graduated with a masters degree from Columbia University?

That she endured years of infidelity and abuse with an alcoholic  husband before fleeing with her two little boys to save her health and hope…?

Not I…

Early in this historical novel (which reads more like an autobiography) Joy had a totally unexpected experience when she fell to her knees in desperation and fear on the floor of her baby’s bedroom one night. She was surprised to find herself uttering a prayer, which was answered by an immediately overwhelming sense of comfort and peace. She could never look at her life the same way again.

“Much of what I’d done — mistakes, poems, manipulations, success and books and sex — had been done merely to get love. To get it. To answer my question: do you love me? . . . From that moment on, the love affair I would develop would be with my soul. [God] was already part of me; that much was clear. And now this would be where I would go for love — to the God in me. No more begging or pursuing or needing.” (‘Joy’) 

She was an award winning writer in her own right, and knew other writers; one of her friends had spent time in England with the well-known author, C.S. Lewis (known to his friends as Jack.) She wrote to him, searching to understand her spiritual experience and gain clarity as a Christian convert.

They did have some things in common, most importantly their incredible intellect, and their surprise at being forced by their own undeniable experiences to forsake their atheism for Christianity.

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~The Kilns, Lewis’s home

(photograph: awesomestories.com)

Joy met her match in Lewis, an Oxford professor 17 years her senior, who worked in a world of academics (of which she was undoubtedly one) and men (of which she was undoubtedly not one.) The college where he worked wasn’t even open to women students!

Little did he know then that this was ‘the beginning of the end’ of his life as a confirmed bachelor. He was originally from northern Ireland, and when Joy stepped into his life he lived contentedly in the English countryside with his older brother, Warnie (who was a dear, and loved her as a sister.) But alas, Jack’s friends didn’t approve of her, especially not for him. It really is amazing that they ever got together.

“It is not hopeless,” he said with surety. “It is uncertain, and this is the cross God always gives us in life, uncertainty. But it is not hopeless.” (‘Jack’) 

Love conquers all.

Patti Callahan ( author of Becoming Mrs. Lewis) has researched minutely and read extensively; so much so that she’s able to write convincingly in the first person about Joy’s courageous suffering through her ‘once upon a time’ and brave living which propelled her eventually into her own ‘happily ever after.’

Becoming Mrs. Lewis left me craving more about this brilliantly gifted writer who waded through chronic illness and faced down relentless prejudice to produce an impressive body of written work and captivate the heart and mind of one of the most famous writers and speakers of his time (and the author of The Chronicles of Narnia!)

It’s safe to say she was the love of his life, as he said this of her:

“She was my daughter and my mother, my pupil and my teacher, my subject and my sovereign; and always, holding all these in solution, my trusty comrade, friend, shipmate, fellow-soldier. My mistress; but at the same time all that any man friend (and I have good ones) has ever been to me. Perhaps more.”                                                 -Person Jr., James E (16 August 2009). “Books: ‘Out of My Bone: The Letters of Joy Davidman'”. The Washington Times. Retrieved 8 December 2011.

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Joy Davidman (findagrave.com)

I know Joy wasn’t alone in her experience of feeling at first that she had to do or be something, good enough somehow, to ‘earn’ the right to be loved by ‘proving worthy of it’…

I’ve experienced powerful change in my own life, by realizing that I, in my flaws, am and always have been perfectly loved by God.

How about you?

Also, can you recommend to me any other good books or movies about Joy and Jack?

Thank you for reading with me,

Leah 🙂

 

EscApril

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A Spring Sonnet

~William Shakespeare~

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Sonnet 98

~William Shakespeare~

From you have I been absent in the spring,
When proud-pied April dress’d in all his trim
Hath put a spirit of youth in every thing,
That heavy Saturn laugh’d and leap’d with him.
Yet nor the lays of birds nor the sweet smell
Of different flowers in odour and in hue
Could make me any summer’s story tell,
Or from their proud lap pluck them where they grew;
Nor did I wonder at the lily’s white,
Nor praise the deep vermilion in the rose;
They were but sweet, but figures of delight,
Drawn after you, you pattern of all those.
Yet seem’d it winter still, and, you away,
As with your shadow I with these did play.

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In this little poem, the writer is lamenting the absence of his loved one; the poor guy finds that spring doesn’t feel like spring without her loveliness and company to breathe life and beauty into the blossoming white lilies and red roses…

When I was about 10, my family moved from B.C. where spring was green and beautifully blooming by April, to Alberta, where we don’t dare plant our gardens until mid-to-late May! My birthday is in early April, and there’s no reason not to expect blizzards just then. It’s happened more times than I can count. So I can relate to the sentiments expressed in this sonnet; feeling like spring is missing something. (A beloved person in his case, greening weather in my case.)

You may have read these poems, by Christopher Marlowe and Sir Walter Ralegh; I learned them in my first year university English class. The first one is pure sentiment; the second one, more than a little bit cheeky. They always make me smile.

The Passionate Shepherd To His Love

The Nymph’s Reply To The Shepherd

So, just for funsies, here’s my response to Shakespeare’s sonnet, and to the month of…

#escapril !

Sonnet 3

I miss the soft and gentle western land
Of soft green grass beneath my free bare feet.
When April comes and warmth is not at hand,
I wonder why I’m here in snow and sleet.

Long gone are February days
With welcome sunshine pouring from the sky.
Why am I here, far from those melting rays?
Wrapped up in wool, I can’t get warm; I try!

When Easter comes, at last I head back west,
Vacation in the place I love the best!

~Leah~

 

 

Lagom!

‘It’s a kind of Swedish Goldilocks approach, with everything “just right.”’

Evidently, the Scandinavians have really got some things figured out.

And naturally, the rest of us are lining up- and signing up- to become a little more Scandi-savvy!

In today’s post, let’s take a look at Sweden’s ‘best export’; lagom.

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The word lagom seems to have originated with a Viking term ‘laget om‘ (around the team) which referred to the social custom of passing a horn of drink around a circle and making sure everyone took just his fair share, so as to leave enough for the others to do the same. As one author wittily remarked,

“The Vikings wouldn’t usually be first on my list as a moral compass, but they were certainly on to something.”

Modern Swedes have come a long way from their Viking forbears; so how does Lagom translate today?

Contentment, balance, and doing things in ways that make sense for everyone…

Harmony, restraint, and appreciation for simplicity…

Moderation, sustainability, and environmental consciousness…

As I sit typing this morning at my HEMNES desk (thank you IKEA) I’m hoping you’ll enjoy taking a little peek with me into the timeless, yet trendy Scandi-secret of lagom!

For your scrolling pleasure, I’ve read three books (just triangulating data 😉 on this scintillating subject to share with you. Each one was written by someone in the know…

Elisabeth Carlsson grew up Swedish in Sweden, and is now married to an Englishman raising their children in London. Here is her book, the lagom life.

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Linnea Dunne is another Swede who left the land of lagom as a young adult and is now married to an Irishman, with whom she lives in Dublin, where they are raising their young child. She’s the author of this LAGOM book:

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“Consensus is king and everyone mucks in.”

Honestly, my favourite is Niki Brantmark’s Lagom book; she’s an Englishwoman who fell in love with a Swedish man and jumped at the chance to relocate to his homeland (about 15 years ago) where they are happily settled and raising their children Swedish-style!

Somehow her perspective seems more to the purpose… She’s looking at the culture of her adopted homeland through the lens of someone who was newly (and enthusiastically) introduced to it as an adult, which is closer to how the rest of us are seeing it, with fresh eyes and an appreciative embrace…

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“Perhaps the most liberating lesson of all has been feeling satisfied with ‘enough’.”

Whatever their various emotional approaches are to Swedish culture, they are definitely all speaking on the same subject! Here are some common themes I found running steadily through all three books:

  1. Moderation– while this isn’t a terribly exciting approach to life, it’s certainly a healthy one. And it greases the wheels of social life; greed and bragging are frowned upon. No self-respecting Swede would reach for the last treat on the plate once it had gone around at fika (coffee break) time.
  2. Forangkringsprocessenkvallspromenad (evening walk after supper) or bass bastu (sauna with refreshing breaks in cold water or snow)!!
  3. Balance– famously efficient, Swedish employees mean business about quitting time! Making time for family, health (such as Friskis & Svettis; unpretentious open air group exercise in public parks), self care, and creativity. (Incidentally, friskis & svettis sounds a little to my untrained ear like frisking and sweating- nej?
  4. Allemansratten“He who buys what he does not need steals from himself.” -Swedish Proverb

Lagom at home means keeping down clutter. Simply take a kopstopp (purchasing break) if all else fails. To further ensure home comforts, draw in as much natural light as possible, decorate with plants, and choose furniture for functionality. This is all very important, especially when the weekend comes; Fredagsmys is the traditional Friday night  family veg session with convenience food and TV, followed closely by Lordagsgodis (Saturday candy time)!! Very lagom ways to approach lounging on the couch for some screen time, and consuming candy, ja? 

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I have lots to learn about this moderate and balanced approach myself… I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, and never take coffee breaks (with or without cookies and cake)!

How about you?

Are you Swedish?

Have you been to Sweden, and what do you think of lagom?

Do any of these ideas resonate with you or help you see day-to-day challenges in a new light?

Thank you for reading with me,

Leah 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

One Reason I Read.

Reading is a magical experience; the pages of good books pull us in like magnets, and only the stern necessity of sleep can persuade us that it’s time to re-emerge.

As beguiling as it is to wander, and to linger in the other realities created for us by clever authors, do you ever wonder what makes it so?

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World Travel!

~Travel~

Where do I dream of going…?

When would I love to see…?

There’s no place or time I can’t experience by slipping in between the covers of a good book.

I once saw a fancy bathtub ad in a magazine; a woman luxuriating in a glamorous soaker tub silhouetted against a huge window. The caption to this alluring image said,

“Therapy is expensive and vacations are scarce. Choose your tub wisely.”

Being the kind of person to have cold feet from about October until May each year, I am a proponent of relaxing in a hot bath before bed. But I almost never immerse myself in that happy place without a book. It would be akin to arriving at an airport without a passport; an exercise in futility. Naturally, my books become rather wrinkled from the steam but this hardly matters. They’re fulfilling their destiny.

I’m not alone in seeing books as passports for world travel, tickets into steam-filled booths for transporting myself to other places and times.

Consider Lucy Pevensey, C.S.Lewis’ fearless character from The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe…. Millions of readers have turned the pages, stepping with her through the doors of the magic wardrobe into the fantasy land of Narnia.

How about J.R.R.Tolkien’s Hobbit? When we crack the cover of his epic tale, we are passing with this very relatable character through the round door of his cozy abode ‘in a hole in the ground’, and onward to the ends of Middle Earth.

And… that’s about the end of my fantasy repertoire.

On to real places and times…!

Honestly, I find it far more tempting to hop on a train with Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes, or to step through the sombre doors of a manor house swathed in mystery and mourning with Agatha Christie’s intrepid Miss Marple or Hercule Poirot.

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I can never resist the appeal of trekking across field and farm with Jane Austen’s Elizabeth Bennet or Fanny Price between country estate dwellings a couple centuries ago.

I don’t even try to avoid following Charles Dickens’ Little Dorrit into debtor’s prison, any more than I’d consider failing to accompany Lucie Manette across the English Channel to find her long-lost father in Revolutionary Paris between the leaves of A Tale of Two Cities.

I’ve even endured the hopelessness and terror of having stepped up the gangplank with Herman Melville’s Captain Ahab on a whaling ship after the notorious Moby Dick, borne the seemingly endless struggle to survive after drifting ashore with Daniel DeFoe’s Robinson Crusoe, and journeyed back and forth between the mansions of aristocratic Russians and the battlefields of Waterloo in Leo Tolstoy’s War and Peace.

(In all honesty, I can’t recommend the last three very highly. I made myself read them because I wanted the education, even if it occurred in a bathtub rather than a lecture hall. But, to each her own.)

I held on tight, (too scared to do otherwise) while scaling the city walls of Paris with Cosette on the broad back of Jean Valjean in Victor Hugo’s incomparable Les Miserables. I even went willingly into the ancient sewers with him, so intent was I on being there to witness the impossibly heroic rescue of her beloved Marius…

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Do tell…! Which of these stories have you read, (and which ones did you actually enjoy? 😉

Also, which other books have provided you with such exhilarating travel opportunities?

Thank you for reading with me,

Leah 🙂